And I haven’t done anything significantly interesting to kick off the year.
But this morning, I received a call from my mom when I was downstairs, turning in duty materials from last night. She prefaced with, “Hi honey, how are you doing?…I, uh, I have some bad news.” When she said that my heart immediately sank and I just froze. “Yeah, Grandpa…he passed away this morning.”
I didn’t immediately start sobbing. I kind of took it in and thought about it. Only when I started wondering how my grandmother and dad were taking it did I start tearing up. And then guilt hit me. How I never tried talking to him. Sure, he had Alzheimer’s and didn’t speak much English, but did I ever try? All these thoughts swarmed through my head as I tried to listen to what my mom was saying.
Of course, I received the call in company of others. Thankfully, supportive others. My co-worker gave me a hug, as did my supervisor (once in a blue moon!). Then my supervisor had me come into her office to talk about it. You know how some people just want to keep to themselves and not talk to anyone? I can’t remember ever feeling like that, and I mean, in any situation. I like talking it out, though I do get super conscious of just repeating myself over and over or that the other person might be getting bored and tired. But I told her about the guilt I felt, the sadness that I know will take over our family, the distance I regretted.
On the bright side, my dad is still able to joke and my grandmother called me back to say that Luk-taa is lee-hai and that she was happy he wasn’t suffering anymore. I translated that in my head to basically mean Grandpa is gone (good-bye). It was wondrous to hear her say that. I felt like she is the epitome of real love.
My grandpa has gone through a lot. Diagnosed with Alzheimer’s a few years ago, a heart attack recently, and he’s run away (just wandered off on his own) on a few occasions. Yet my grandma has tolerated his episodes (when he forgets where he is and just wants to go home) and has shown nothing except love. At least, that’s what I like to think it is. Her strength is inspiring and I look forward to telling her that when I fly home in the next few days.
I’m relieved that my grandfather is out of his suffering though I wish I could have the years back that I spent in front of the couch in his apartment instead of talking to him. But that’s what death does to us, doesn’t it? It’s a wake-up call.
that this entire summer, I’ve put on pants, like twice. Hahaha it just cracks me up. When I was home, I took FULL advantage of the sun and only wore shorts. The only time I wore pants was to my friend’s birthday dinner at night and we sat outside. But other than that, my legs have had complete access to the sun and it was great!
Now that I’m in Seattle, I’ve adopted the same habit…because it’s been SUUUUUUPER nice out. I mean, the first week I was here, it was to the point of complaining that it was so hot! I’ve only worn casual shorts or running shorts (more of the latter) and my tops have consisted of t-shirts and occasionally a casual tank-top. LOL, most of the time I look like I could have slept in my day’s outfit. But you know what, I’M OKAY WITH THAT. In addition, I haven’t spent more than 1 minute on makeup. If I feel like I’m going to be seeing a lot of people (other than the 170 residents, and 3 other staff members here), I’ll maaaaaybe put on some eyeliner or mascara. But if that, I’ll just curl my eyelashes and let them be. So basically, I have a very low-maintenance routine going on right now and let me tell ya, it’s GREAT. It’s funny, I love in movies when a girl has her plain Jane look and then once she gets dressed up for a special occasion, she looks STUNNING. I will admit that I’ve wanted that to happen to me before. As nerdy or silly as it may sound!
Anyways, what I’m trying to get at, is that people are still going to talk to you if your personality is cool. From what I can tell, my residents really like me even if I look like a bum everyday. I think it’s all about your attitude and personality really. I mean, I remember my now-ex boyfriend couldn’t even tell I was wearing mascara and curled my eyelashes until I only did one eye and told him to look. Other than that, it seems to be only a subtle difference that I can clearly see. But now, I’ve gotten used to my no-makeup look and I plan on keeping it that way for as long as it stays convenient ;)
that it’s difficult for me to keep up with a blog or journal writing when I’m anywhere, doing anything, except for sitting at home during the summer.
Today was Move-in Day. I had my first floor meeting. OOOOOOOOHHH jeez, I was very very very excited and nervous! I could feel the butterflies going on and on in my stomach leading up to my floor meeting. Getting to meet all my residents and introduce myself was so much fun. I think the floor meeting went great though. My residents were nodding their heads like what I was saying made sense and I’m hoping they won’t be the trouble floor ;)
Is craaaaazy! Took my usual 3-ish mile route and used an interval timer set for 30 second sprints and 1 minute 30 second rest (alternated with slow jog and walking). I sweat way more than my steady fast pace (about an 8:20 minute mile) and found myself out of breath way faster.
Nonetheless I pushed on and felt pretty dang awesome after :)